Gentlemen, would you like to make your ladies happy this Christmas? How about a win-win? You get to look like the hero and you get to do it on the cheap. No expensive jewelry or spa treatments. No hand-wringing over buying the right size clothing. God forbid you buy something too large! Talk about a Snickers moment! No, just get out your credit card, go online and get her a box of  STTP.

What the heck is STTP? It’s sodium tripolyphosphate. Why do you need it? Because many states have banned, or severly limited, phosphates in dishwasher detergent. That’s why your significant other is screaming at her dishwasher and wasting more of your hard earned dollars on rinse agent because she’s outraged that her dishes aren’t getting clean. Mix in the right proportion of  STTP with your standard powdered dishwashing detergent and you have instant clean dishes again. I don’t need to tell any of the married guys the value of a happy wife.

Now, a couple of sidenotes. First, you are not being “green” by doing this. Phosphates were banned to prevent them from getting into our lakes and rivers because they promote heavy algae growth. So, you would risk the Obama “green” police knocking down your door and putting you in a gulag. Somehow, I don’t think most in this audience are too concerned with being politically correct. Secondly, make sure to do your Googling first. You can get TSP anywhere but it has different concentrations of phosphate depending on the brand, and TSP is generally a household cleaner. Also, STTP is rated food grade so it should be safer for dishware since you obviously eat off it. And of course you need to get the mix right so do your research first.

Then later when you appear to be a knight in shining armor because you solved her dirty dish problem, you get to reap the bennies. Just remember me. You can send cash or checks, I have no preference.

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