While skimming the news this past week, I ran across the story about the dangerous extreme sport of dodge ball. It made me take pause and wonder how on earth I have survived to this point. When you think back to all of the things we did as kids, it’s really quite an achievement. All the things we used to do before the days of government taking on its role of the great protector, I have to think back. From the beginning then…
I started out as any toddler does, I ate dirt. And crayons (the good old toxic kind). In fact, I had a propensity for the blue ones much to the chagrin of my mother who had to clean the saliva enhanced mess up afterwards. Of course, we can’t leave out the fecal matter that may have been left in the backyard from any number of family pets that I always seemed to locate.
Somehow, I survived those unfortunate instances. As my mobility progressed, I then moved on to sticking things in electrical outlets that didn’t belong there, attaching my tongue to frozen signposts, poking my finger into the eye socket of the family cat for no particular reason and escaping through the doggie door into the backyard at the most inopportune times.
Growing older yet, I moved on with drinking whiskey from my parent’s stash and replacing it with water thinking they wouldn’t notice, swallowing large amounts of gasoline while siphoning free gas from my neighbor’s vehicles and jumping the one-lane bridge on Angle Rd. at very high speeds without knowing if anyone was coming the other way.
Even after reaching adulthood, I continued to tempt fate with exploits such as removing mattress tags from mattresses that I didn’t own, changing my oil filter without a jackstand in place and utilizing the express checkout lane with more than 12 items in my cart.
Heck, just last week I was eating some cantaloupe with the kids and believe or not I added salt to it while surely exceeding my suggested daily intake.
These are just a few examples of ways in which I have thrown caution to the wind and somehow made it out alive. And make no mistake, I was clocked upside the head more than once while playing dodge ball.
Yet today, I am able to support myself without any form of government assistance. I can get by just fine without big brother watching my every move and otherwise saving me from myself.
In fact, I am able to celebrate this Easter Sunday commemorating the resurrection of Jesus Christ without any protection whatsoever from the PC police. So despite the highly publicized risks of being a Christian, holding Conservative political views and believing that the Constitution is still the law of the land, I think I’ve gotten by just fine without the government there to save me, thank you very much. Happy Easter!