In honor of the leaderless, completely spontaneous, non-agenda and totally unorganized OWS movement, I thought I would see if I could help out just a wee bit. The one constant across all the movements has been disdain of greed by the 1% uber-rich in this country. So, according to IRS 2009 statistics, if you have an adjusted gross income of $343,927 or, God forbid, even more, you qualify as filthy rich and you need to give back some of your fortune. Repeat after me to help ensure we all have clear goals.

  • I want any person or corporation to return 100% of all income above the $343,927 level to the general fund of the U.S. Treasury where it will be completely returned in full to the people in a totally unbiased and fair manner by the faithful stewards of our money, the U.S. Congress.
  • I want any business or corporation to pledge to stop any and all expansion or growth or most important of all, hiring, if it is the result of greedy profits over $343,927. No one person should obtain employment due to excess greed. White House economists have reported that each stimulus job created only cost $278,000 each, certainly well with-in the range of the 1% guideline.
  • If I am a 1%er expressing support for the OWS movement, I immediately surrender all income above $343,927 with a check to the U.S. Treasury fund to pay down the national debt.
  • If I am a 99%er who is at the point of becoming a 1%er, I pledge to immediately stop working for the rest of the year regardless at what point this occurs. If I am business or corporation in this same position, I pledge to temporarily close the business and lay-off all of the staff for the rest of the fiscal year. After all, prevention is always the key, isn’t it?
  • If I am a politician, I pledge to stop all campaign donations at $343,927 and return any in excess to the donors. Greed has no lines or boundaries.
  • If I am just an ordinary person, I cannot tolerate greed in my life whatsoever. I therefore voluntarily take the Michael Corleone pledge and renounce Satan. I promise I do not want anyone else’s wealth as it would be greedy of me and make me no better than the evil, greedy 1%er’s I so despise.

There, just by taking these few steps, you should be able to protest with a clear conscience. The unemployment rate may soon rise to 50% or more, but the newly unemployed won’t mind as they will be taking one for the team. In fact, the tent cities will become your permanent residences when your jobs are all eliminated, but you’ll be able to lock arms with all of your brethren in peace. Godspeed.


2 thoughts on “99%er pledge

  1. Yep! These folks ought to be careful what they wish for. Maybe someone ought to tell them that bankers are not capitalist. They are government protected crooks. The problem is much more Washington D.C. than in Wall Street.

  2. I gave up trying to take the movement seriously, so I can’t help but poke a little fun at them. Listening to their hypocrisy is comic relief.

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