It’s January 20, 2013. You’re Mitt Romney and you’ve just been sworn in as the 45th President of the United States of America. It’s your first day on the job and you’ve come to work to find this memo on your desk from your Chief of Staff.

Greetings President Romney,

I thought it would be prudent to outline a few of the main issues you will need to prioritize and address. Please note that you’ll only have two years in which to accomplish significant progress or the mid-terms will see Congress turn back to the democrats.

  • National debt exceeding $16 trillion dollars
  • Annual deficits exceeding $1.5 trillion dollars
  • Over 12.5 million unemployed
  • Over 46 million Americans in poverty
  • Over 47 million Americans on food stamps
  • Personal income declining
  • Home values declining
  • Gas prices near record highs
  • Insurance costs soaring
  • Anti-American hatred increasing globally
  • Infrastructure crumbling
  • Borders porous
  • Liberty vanishing
  • Unfunded liabilities in the hundreds of trillions
  • Unprecedented debt service costs looming
  • Massive wave of inflation potential if you resurrect the economy and the printing press money begins to circulate

Those are just a few issues needing resolution. Please bear in mind that should you seriously take on out-of-control Congressional spending, this will require austerity measures which will immediately trigger a massive negative public backlash and calls for your impeachment. You merely need to find a way to immediate grow the economy, kickstart a hiring frenzy to offset the austerity measures, repeal Obamacare, eliminate the Iranian nuclear threat, stop the massive tax increases from the expiring Bush tax cuts, stop the Fed from printing money, etc., etc. Oh, and all the while you need to do this while pacifying the democrats calling for your head every minute of every day.

Have a great day and congratulations!

As Mitt Romney, you can choose a response from the list below:

  • immediately resign and go golfing with Obama
  • slap your mother for ever bringing you into this mess
  • immediately head to Camp David and go on vacation until your term expires
  • the last and least likely option would be to morph into a true conservative and take on all of these issues head-on for the good of the country

p.s. 2016 re-election campaign meeting scheduled for next Monday

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